Night Time for Genghis

I explain in my monologue entitled The Three Caveman Archetypes of Male Sexuality that millions of years of natural selection have burdened men with a single minded determination to insert their genetic material (in other words, their penises) into as many women as possible.  Interestingly, population geneticists have recently identified the man who appears to have achieved the greatest level of success at this undertaking.  He is none other than Genghis Khan.

Living from 1162 to 1227, Genghis Khan conquered much of the known world at the time.  His armies of pony riding archers would conquer a given area, slaughtering much of the population and send the most beautiful young women back to their leader.

Once, his lieutenants were idly debating what was the greatest enjoyment that life afforded. The consensus was leaning toward the sport of falconry, when their leader decisively interjected his own deeply felt view: “The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.”  You may recognize a variation of that line from Conan the Barbarian where Arnold Schwarzeneger said much the same thing.

Early in the last millennium, the population of the world was approximately 1/20 as large as it is today. Therefore, the average man alive then has 20 descendants alive today in his direct male line. In contrast, with about 16 million direct descendants, Genghis Khan was something like 800,000 times more successful than the average man.  Approximately one in every 200 men today is a direct blood descendant of Genghis Khan.  This number doesn’t solely reflect the success of Genghis himself, but also of his primary male offspring who themselves enjoyed considerable wealth & power and thus produced many offspring.  

Further complicating the specifics of this matter is that Genghis Khan’s funeral was attended by about 2000 guests and 800 soldiers.  After the ceremony, the soldiers slaughtered all the guests.  Upon returning to their garrison, those soldiers were then slaughtered by other soldiers.  So Khan’s tomb is fully lost to history and his DNA can’t be analyzed.

As a man who enjoys being in the arms of a woman, I can only imagine what Genghis Khan’s sex life must have been like.  I can just imagine his guards shouting, “It’s night time!  Bring Genghis another virgin!”.  Would his wives and concubines coach the new arrivals?  “Dear young child, Worry not, for you about to enjoy a great honor.  Lord Genghis is a mighty warrior!”  Would he regularly rape virgins with all the blood and discomfort?  Or would the young women be ‘prepared’ for him?  Was it what we would think of today as rape?  Or were young captured women culturally predisposed to submit to the inevitability of their fate – perhaps even enjoying or feeling some honor in the process?  Was the process eased with assurances of future abundance & comfort?  “If you produce strong sons, Lord Genghis will be very happy and you can enjoy yak butter with every meal.” 

Ironically, I am fascinated by evolutionary psychology and how natural selection influences male sexual behavior and yet I wistfully lament the fact that I appear poised to go to my grave never becoming a father.  And thus, the sex life of Genghis Khan is all the more fascinating to me.